Using Relationship Setbacks To Grow

Let's Welcome the March NEW MOON! The New MOON Check for Abundance link can be found HERE! Write those checks folks and welcome more IN-COME into your life! There are many “spiritual” people who feel that as long as you use LOVE as your guide, things will never, ever go wrong in your life. I beg to differ. While at your BEST you can be kind, loving, gracious and giving, personal relationships tend to bring out the very worst of us- in me and in you. So what is a girl to do? For this post, I am going to use first person. It will be easier for me to write and easier for you to read. This week, I had TWO, yes 2 opportunities to examine my core beliefs regarding spirituality, relationships and the “each person is a mirror of me” thing. First and foremost, every person I meet is NOT a mirror of me. Not the me I love, nor the me I dislike. Each person I meet has their own spiritual lessons to learn. While it may be true that I fit into their “lessons” or they fit into mine, that does not, I repeat NOT make their issues MY ISSUES. For the 1st conference call, this exact same thing came up. I found myself rejecting the notion outright. Not the person, just the idea that what another person does is what I have created for myself. In that life, I would be responsible for every racist person I encountered, for every abusive relationship, for every liar, fraud and cheat (even though I peek those out pretty quickly now). Her suggestion was that when a person experiences these actions, that just the experience creates a victim mentality. I expressed my thoughts on exactly why that blanket statement cannot possibly be true. It is an IDEAL in a world in which we do not yet inhabit. Do I think we have the power to create such a world? I absolutely DO. However, we are not there YET. Until you have met that abusive, racist or hateful person, you have no idea how you will handle the situation. You have no clue how to react and the REACTION is really what we are talking about. The second call mainly dealt with romantic relationships. For those who do not know, I am now a featured writer on Black Refer for RELATIONSHIPS. Please check it out if you are so inclined! Anyway, again, the idea that if one is in an abusive relationship, that person has a victim mentality is FALSE. While it is true, that person is a victim, the mentality is based on what that person has learned in their life. You can stand up, say I won’t take this shit anymore and LEAVE, but that takes time and temperament. When you are dealing with generations of women who have seen their mothers and grandmothers get beaten, for that person, that is normal, it is REAL to them. Here is what I truly BELIEVE. I believe that while every relationship has a lesson to teach me about ME, the true lesson may be to WALK AWAY. Just leave the relationship. Too many times a woman (especially) will stay in a relationship for the children, due to finances, due to fear of being alone. The worst relationships I have ever been in where the ones where I was LONELY but with someone who was not worth my time, my love or my tears. Ladies, please listen. Sometimes you have to just WALK AWAY. Not easy to do but it will certainly show you exactly who you are. When you stay in spite of…. That too shows you who you are. We are all on our own individual paths. We all have to strive and seek to do and be more, in OUR OWN WAY. No one gets to dictate what this way is or how it should look. No one should be able to make you feel bad if you choose to do things your own way. While people may try to assist to help show you the light, they cannot light your candle. You are the only one who is responsible for lighting and keeping lit the flame of your personal truth, beliefs and path guiding you home. Keep seeking to learn MORE. The more open you are the more you will RECEIVE! Thanks for reading! Much LOVE Michelle