Sometimes it feels as if there is no one on our side. Alone, forsaken, abandoned (I can get pretty dramatic). It gets kinda lonely sometimes, especially when you are doing everything you can to live the life you “think” or “feel” you should honor. Those are the times when your spirit can be broken. Broken not because you have lost faith, but broken because your faith has not been rewarded. I am so TIRED of hearing, just a little longer, just hold on, all will be well, yada, yada, yada.
I just want what I want and I want it right now. Add to that the loss of friendships both on the physical and emotional levels and it is almost too much to bear. These are the times I just go to bed, yup, surrender. What else would you have me do? I don’t want to take these ugly feelings out on someone else, don’t wish to deal with them myself so I sleep.
Most of the times, sleep is exactly what I need. Often, I will dream of an event or a long lost loved one who will brighten my day. They often offer just that sense of familiarity, that feeling that someone is out there who DOES care about me. Just enough to get me out of my self pity and back to my regular happy self.
So much going on this week that regular or happy just does not seem possible. However, I realize that no matter how bleak, I am not, nor have I ever been alone. Feeling lonely? That is my choice. I realize that as well. Don’t run from your feelings, accept them, acknowledge they exist. You don’t have to live in the pain, but you do have to accept you are in pain in order to move through it to the other side.
Thanks for reading and letting me vent.
Michelle D. Smith is a visionary and spiritual gladiator seeking to share awareness with many. She is a published author who writes a relationship column for Black Refer.com.The different niches for each site allow her to reach a variety of people to amuse, entertain and inspire.
Her self published book, My Life As A Mermaid was selected for inclusion in the Baltimore County Public Library's Local Author collection!