“When you cannot Accept Help without self judgment, then you can NEVER Really offer Help without Judgment”
Dr. Brene Brown (courtesy of Oprah Lifeclass)
Watching Oprah last night at 1am (I am a night owl) I was stunned to hear this statement and recognize it for what it actually says about “giving people.”
Trust, I have never had this problem. Since I was a young woman, I have ALWAYS asked for what I want, or NEED, knowing it is the other person’s decision as to if they can or will fulfill that need for me. I never considered that some people give to make you feel obligated (never have), or to control the situation or in judgment. Your answer to anything another person asks is either YES or NO. So, when I do something for someone, it is usually from the space that others have done for me. Don’t get this twisted, abuse I will not tolerate. If you only call me when you want something, those conversations can be a little awkward. Not because I am judging, but because you are USING me.
While I do know I am not like most people, I would never have considered this as true if it were not for how many people I know who DO judge those who ask for help. My preference is someone asks for help, at least I then KNOW they need help. If one never asks, who would know? There is no shame in asking for help unless the person who gives the help makes you feel ashamed. That is the true irony and tacky to boot. IF you don’t want to do it, then don’t do it! IF you choose to help someone, please do so willingly and joyfully from your heart. That is the only true way to GIVE!
Thanks for reading!
Michelle D. Smith is a visionary and spiritual gladiator seeking to share awareness with many. She is a published author who writes a relationship column for Black Refer.com.The different niches for each site allow her to reach a variety of people to amuse, entertain and inspire.
Her self published book, My Life As A Mermaid was selected for inclusion in the Baltimore County Public Library's Local Author collection!