Happy BIRTHDAY to my Godson Anthony and my nephew Lawrence. May you both have a blessed, prosperous and joyous 2013!
A loaded question to say the least. The real issue is in being able to identify and isolate the people in your life who are hateful. You may be surprised at who those people are.
I define hateful people as folks who envy what you have (or how you got what you have), work insidiously behind your back to undermine your efforts and smile in your face. The classic back stabbers. Then, there are other people who use policy (like Republicans) to undermine society as a whole, making life more difficult than it has to be. THOSE people I have no answer for. So, my answer is going to address the fake friends in your life.
When you are truly someone’s friend, there is never a need for jealousy or envy. Why would you envy what another person has? What possess someone to ever ask the question “why did they get ______?”
Your life is about you and your choices. We all get to make our mistakes and hopefully learn from them. The smartest among us learn from OTHER people’s mistakes, saving ourselves both time and heartache.
So, how do you tell and what to do about the hateful people. First, please don’t ignore your intuition. There are times you can tell by the tone of the questions if a person is really interested, just being noisy or filing information away for gossip. Listen to what people say about relationships in general and you in particular. If you pay attention, you will discover the people who are really your friends and the ones who are friends just because of????
I have come to the conclusion that I have a few people who really care about me. This was demonstrated by the people who showed up when I was sick a few years ago. They supplied whatever it was I needed WHEN I needed it. They responded to requests instantly, not when they had the “time.”
Other people I don’t get to speak to often, but I KNOW that they will always have my back. No matter how crazy the request, they will have an affirmative answer. Then there are people who only contact me WITH a request. Never asking “Would you like to_____?” Always asking “Can you do_______?”
Of course, people treat you the way you have trained them to treat you. So, if you have a friendship you would like to save, call them on their BS. Real friends won’t take offense at constructive criticism. Why should they? You have seen each other at your best and worst. So, you should be able to tell a “friend” just about anything provided it is done in a non-judgmental and loving way.
Should you not be able to approach any friend in this matter, maybe you have outgrown that friendship. Thank them silently and keep it moving. No need to be angry or waste time complaining. We all are going to be and do the best we can in the moment. Some of us appear to have the game figured out a little better. Don’t believe it! We are all in this together and even if together means a parting of the ways; you always want to remember the best things about your friends. Forgive the rest and keep it moving FORWARD!
Thanks for reading!
Michelle D. Smith is a visionary and spiritual gladiator seeking to share awareness with many. She is a published author who writes a relationship column for Black Refer.com.The different niches for each site allow her to reach a variety of people to amuse, entertain and inspire.
Her self published book, My Life As A Mermaid was selected for inclusion in the Baltimore County Public Library's Local Author collection!